zeros and ones.. we r living in the age of zeros and ones.. it's all about computerizing everything.. on a bigger scale, it's all about making everything automatic.. gear shifting in cars, macros in software, 'remember me' in log on screens over the internet.. but it's affecting our lives.. our human, supposably emotional, life.. answering machines and voice mail.. IDs, credit cards, and e-cards.. i mean can u imagine ur life now without mobiles, ATMs, or emails.. that's gonna be hard for those of u who actually just tried to imagine it, and i'm guessing they r few cuz most would refuse the idea from first glance..
i was talking the other day with my gf about romeo and juliet and how if they had mobiles it would have been so hard for shakespeare to just kill them both at the end without making them look like complete idiots.. romeo could have got one of those pre-paid deals and kept smsing juliet night and day.. or maybe they could have met online at night to chat and send winks for each other.. (shakespeare might have ended the relation then by having juliet block romeo and delete him from her list)..
all i'm saying is that life has changed.. or... well, life has changed ain't exactly the expression i'm looking for.. aside from being a cliche, it's really an under-statement.. it's all mixed up, shuffled, scrambled, and much more cluttered.. yeah, it's cluttered.. u might think that automation made things easy, but i say it just got harder.. u might think that computerization made things simple, but i say it just got complex.. the more we systemize eveything in an automatic, electricity-dependent sense, the more we take it out of human context.. the more we get further from the truth of our being.. the more we just cancel emotions...
it's just against freedom.. not the 'i can do whatever i want' freedom, but rather the 'i can be a human being freedom'.. the 'i can make stupid mistakes', the 'i can just froget about stuff', the 'i can be late, lazy or foolish' freedom.. that freedom is taken away from us.. not that we can't do all this anymore, but it's that we r not really expected to.. in such a world of spelling-checkers, a typo is not expected.. so not allowed.. so we'll be punished if we do it.. so we can't do it.. the liberty of miss-spelling is slowly going extinct..
i work in the IT field.. been working with computers ever since they had 2 floppy disk drives, the 5 inch soft single density standard.. and i discovered the impact of that.. just recently i did.. i treat people as if they were computers.. hell, i treat myself as if i was one!!.. and i can tell u, it ain't easy at all.. why.. cuz when it comes to code, it has to be flawless.. and we r not.. cuz when it comes to hardware, it has to precise.. and we r not.. cuz in the world of computers, there's always the chance to upgrade to a better version (or if u're using windows, simply a 'restart' would do).. we don't have that..
we r human beings, and we will remain human beings.. no matter how advanced we get.. no matter what we discover and invent.. we'll always be human beings.. and before we start asking people to be true or honest or to drop their masks, let's first ask them to be human.. maybe then we'll have a chance..
13 November 2005
09 October 2005
QUEST-SHUNS
WHAT HAPPENS TO US WHEN WE FALL IN LOVE...
WHAT GETS OVER US..
HOW CAN A DROP OF WATER BE A WHOLE OCEAN..
HOW COME IT CAN SET US IN MOTION..
HOW DO WE BECOME LOVERS..
WHAT DO WE GAIN..
WHAT IS CREATED INSIDE OF US..
AND WHAT DO WE LOSE..
WHAT IS ERASED FROM US..
HOW COME WE CARE TO GIVE AND DON'T CARE TO RECEIVE..
HOW DO WE BECOME CHILDREN AGAIN, INNOCENT AND NAIVE..
IS LOVE THE ONLY POWER THAT CAN DEFEAT..
IS IT THE POWER THAT GETS US DOWN TO OUR KNEES..
HOW CAN WE BECOME PRISONERS AFTER WE WERE CONQUERERS..
WHAT TURNS US AROUND..
WHAT LIFTS US HIGH ABOVE THE GROUND..
WHAT BREAKS..
WHAT ACHES..
HOW CAN A MOMENT OF LOVE SEEM TO US LIKE YEARS..
HOW CAN A SIMPLE WORD HAVE A LOT OF MEANING..
HOW CAN IT BE SO GREAT TO MAKE OUR HEART BEAT THAT LOUD..
IF LOVE IS A FORCE THAT CAN BEAT, HOW CAN IT BE SO SWEET..
HOW CAN IT CONTROL US THAT MUCH..
HOW CAN WE BE SET ON FIRE WITH JUST A TOUCH..
HOW CAN WE ENJOY A COMPLETE SILENCE..
HOW CAN THINGS BECOME SO CRYSTAL CLEAR, YET BE SO CONFUSING..
WHY CAN'T WE DECIDE WHETHER IT'S SWEET OR SOUR..
WHAT BLURS OUR VISION..
AND HOW DOES IT TURN INTO OBSESSION..
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HELL AND HEAVEN...
I'VE GOT A LOT INSIDE..
BUT EVEN WHEN I YELL..
I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF..
WHAT GETS OVER US..
HOW CAN A DROP OF WATER BE A WHOLE OCEAN..
HOW COME IT CAN SET US IN MOTION..
HOW DO WE BECOME LOVERS..
WHAT DO WE GAIN..
WHAT IS CREATED INSIDE OF US..
AND WHAT DO WE LOSE..
WHAT IS ERASED FROM US..
HOW COME WE CARE TO GIVE AND DON'T CARE TO RECEIVE..
HOW DO WE BECOME CHILDREN AGAIN, INNOCENT AND NAIVE..
IS LOVE THE ONLY POWER THAT CAN DEFEAT..
IS IT THE POWER THAT GETS US DOWN TO OUR KNEES..
HOW CAN WE BECOME PRISONERS AFTER WE WERE CONQUERERS..
WHAT TURNS US AROUND..
WHAT LIFTS US HIGH ABOVE THE GROUND..
WHAT BREAKS..
WHAT ACHES..
HOW CAN A MOMENT OF LOVE SEEM TO US LIKE YEARS..
HOW CAN A SIMPLE WORD HAVE A LOT OF MEANING..
HOW CAN IT BE SO GREAT TO MAKE OUR HEART BEAT THAT LOUD..
IF LOVE IS A FORCE THAT CAN BEAT, HOW CAN IT BE SO SWEET..
HOW CAN IT CONTROL US THAT MUCH..
HOW CAN WE BE SET ON FIRE WITH JUST A TOUCH..
HOW CAN WE ENJOY A COMPLETE SILENCE..
HOW CAN THINGS BECOME SO CRYSTAL CLEAR, YET BE SO CONFUSING..
WHY CAN'T WE DECIDE WHETHER IT'S SWEET OR SOUR..
WHAT BLURS OUR VISION..
AND HOW DOES IT TURN INTO OBSESSION..
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HELL AND HEAVEN...
I'VE GOT A LOT INSIDE..
BUT EVEN WHEN I YELL..
I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF..
20 September 2005
somewhere i belong...
i went for a walk today..
didn't really intend to, but found that i needed to kill about 15 minutes of time, so i took a walk... i was waiting for that silver shop, where i had some pieces being fixed at, to re-open after the prayer.. that's why i needed to kill time.. i was lucky enough to find a parking space near the shop and was not willing to give it up... plus i wasn't gonna sit in the car and wait.. so i thought i'd go for a walk around the area...
it was crowded.. it was sunset time, so everyone was out... some to buy stuff, some to go out of the confinement of their four-walled houses, some to get a breathe of fresh air, and some for absolutely no apparent reason (i guess i'm included in the last group!)... it's a shopping area, in the heart of heliopolis, where it's so famous for its abundance of jewelery shops (making the public mainly ladies).. at every corner u'd find a place for refreshments, whether a traditional coffee place 'ahwa' or a more sophisticated outlet for juice and ice-cream..
since i belonged to the no-apparent-reason group and i ain't particularly interested in jewelery, all i did was observe the people.. mainly their facial expressions... for me, it was like a movie scene where i hit the mute button... ladies who stop at every single jewelery shop to check the display (what's funny is that almost all of them had already too much jewelery on, which makes u wonder why the hell they want more, guess it's the female affinity for the 'bling bling').. there were alot of couples too.. going for the engagement ring i suppose, or at least hoping for it... some guy groups walking around checking out the ladies, which is a normal scene in egyptian streets nowadays as they can't think of anything else to do.. shop owners were practicing this tradition of having a small stole infront of their shops where they sit and occasionally get up to serve a passer-by customer..
it went on for 10 minutes and i was fed up!!... people r so dull... believe it or not, but they all had the same dull range of expressions on their faces.. from a frown to complete anger.. it was so dull... i didn't see a single smile.. instead i saw burdened faces.. everybody's walking with a thousand question marks jumping around over their heads... u can't see a glimpse of fulfillment, satisfaction, or enjoyment.. it was just so dull..
anyway finally the lady re-opened the shop and i got my stuff.. but as i was driving back home, i was thinking, 'man, i definitely don't belong here'..
i ain't trouble-free.. i have my share of bull-shit.. but at least i am still living.. those people i saw, they r dead.. definitely dead..
c'mon... life's unfair... so deal with it... duh!!
didn't really intend to, but found that i needed to kill about 15 minutes of time, so i took a walk... i was waiting for that silver shop, where i had some pieces being fixed at, to re-open after the prayer.. that's why i needed to kill time.. i was lucky enough to find a parking space near the shop and was not willing to give it up... plus i wasn't gonna sit in the car and wait.. so i thought i'd go for a walk around the area...
it was crowded.. it was sunset time, so everyone was out... some to buy stuff, some to go out of the confinement of their four-walled houses, some to get a breathe of fresh air, and some for absolutely no apparent reason (i guess i'm included in the last group!)... it's a shopping area, in the heart of heliopolis, where it's so famous for its abundance of jewelery shops (making the public mainly ladies).. at every corner u'd find a place for refreshments, whether a traditional coffee place 'ahwa' or a more sophisticated outlet for juice and ice-cream..
since i belonged to the no-apparent-reason group and i ain't particularly interested in jewelery, all i did was observe the people.. mainly their facial expressions... for me, it was like a movie scene where i hit the mute button... ladies who stop at every single jewelery shop to check the display (what's funny is that almost all of them had already too much jewelery on, which makes u wonder why the hell they want more, guess it's the female affinity for the 'bling bling').. there were alot of couples too.. going for the engagement ring i suppose, or at least hoping for it... some guy groups walking around checking out the ladies, which is a normal scene in egyptian streets nowadays as they can't think of anything else to do.. shop owners were practicing this tradition of having a small stole infront of their shops where they sit and occasionally get up to serve a passer-by customer..
it went on for 10 minutes and i was fed up!!... people r so dull... believe it or not, but they all had the same dull range of expressions on their faces.. from a frown to complete anger.. it was so dull... i didn't see a single smile.. instead i saw burdened faces.. everybody's walking with a thousand question marks jumping around over their heads... u can't see a glimpse of fulfillment, satisfaction, or enjoyment.. it was just so dull..
anyway finally the lady re-opened the shop and i got my stuff.. but as i was driving back home, i was thinking, 'man, i definitely don't belong here'..
i ain't trouble-free.. i have my share of bull-shit.. but at least i am still living.. those people i saw, they r dead.. definitely dead..
c'mon... life's unfair... so deal with it... duh!!
09 September 2005
2005
good morning...
what a beautiful morning this is.. it's a friday.. the ninth day in the ninth month of the year 2005.. yeah, the year 2005.. what a year!!.. i mean i was born on 1977 and i've lived through alot of 19 somethings, and only a handful of 20 somethings.. but this one, 2005, is absolutely the most important.. the one with the most effect on me.. u know, among other things, it's events that shape ones life.. but we often remember them as events not as dates.. like someone saying, 'a milestone in my life was my graduation,' or maybe 'the turning point of my life was my first job.'... sometimes we remember the event first, then we might associated it with a date.. 'the milestone of my life was my graduation from college which was 1999,' or 'the turning point of my life was my first job which started 1998.'... and i personally have a bunch of those as well.. those events that left a mark in my life and i always remember them along with their dates.. but with 2005, it's a different story.. the year itself is the milestone.. the year itself is a turning point in my life.. yeah it's events after all, but having too many, too big in the same year would give the year the lead i guess.. ok, i'll be more presice.. so far, the first 9 months of 2005 have been like the most important in my life... (we don't usually count the 9 month before we're born when we're still in the womb, which is a pity really cuz that's when we started existing, it's not coming out from in there to this world that counts!!)..
the thing is, it ain't finished yet.. and i have every reason to believe that in the coming few months, 2005 will still behave the same way.. being a year to remember.. a year that would have all the impact on my future.. a year which will set the pace for the rest of my life.. a year where i got to discover alot.. about people and aboput myself.. a year when i first started seeing things in a different way... a year when i stopped being lonesome.. a year when i felt the sense of purpose.. a year when i know i finally belong... a year that made all previous years make sense.. a year where i didn't just know that i have all pieces of the puzzle, but when i actually put them together.. a year where i saw the whole picture for the first time... a year that gave me a thrill to want to continue on living.. a year that......
i'll just go have my coffee and a smoke...
what a beautiful morning this is.. it's a friday.. the ninth day in the ninth month of the year 2005.. yeah, the year 2005.. what a year!!.. i mean i was born on 1977 and i've lived through alot of 19 somethings, and only a handful of 20 somethings.. but this one, 2005, is absolutely the most important.. the one with the most effect on me.. u know, among other things, it's events that shape ones life.. but we often remember them as events not as dates.. like someone saying, 'a milestone in my life was my graduation,' or maybe 'the turning point of my life was my first job.'... sometimes we remember the event first, then we might associated it with a date.. 'the milestone of my life was my graduation from college which was 1999,' or 'the turning point of my life was my first job which started 1998.'... and i personally have a bunch of those as well.. those events that left a mark in my life and i always remember them along with their dates.. but with 2005, it's a different story.. the year itself is the milestone.. the year itself is a turning point in my life.. yeah it's events after all, but having too many, too big in the same year would give the year the lead i guess.. ok, i'll be more presice.. so far, the first 9 months of 2005 have been like the most important in my life... (we don't usually count the 9 month before we're born when we're still in the womb, which is a pity really cuz that's when we started existing, it's not coming out from in there to this world that counts!!)..
the thing is, it ain't finished yet.. and i have every reason to believe that in the coming few months, 2005 will still behave the same way.. being a year to remember.. a year that would have all the impact on my future.. a year which will set the pace for the rest of my life.. a year where i got to discover alot.. about people and aboput myself.. a year when i first started seeing things in a different way... a year when i stopped being lonesome.. a year when i felt the sense of purpose.. a year when i know i finally belong... a year that made all previous years make sense.. a year where i didn't just know that i have all pieces of the puzzle, but when i actually put them together.. a year where i saw the whole picture for the first time... a year that gave me a thrill to want to continue on living.. a year that......
i'll just go have my coffee and a smoke...
25 August 2005
the lucky bastard i used to be...
so, i was asking myself... am i still the lucky bastard i used to be?... and before i take time to figure out an answer, it hit me... so i went down and took my car, a VW Polo 1.0, for a spin... i thought why just answer it when i can put it to the test...
i went for a spin along the ring road.. windows rolled-down.. hard rock music blasting off my Sony X-plod sound system.. doing a trip around cairo along the ring road, which is about a good 90km... but that's no highway as in western civilized definitions.. it's an uneven, bumpy, sometimes-2-laner-sometimes-5-laner, ass-sweating, full-of-surprises road that is heavy with traffic... i was doing crazy maneuvers and stunt-like take-overs with speeds ranging from 80km/h to 140km/h...
and i came home in one piece...
guess i am still the lucky bastard i used to be after all :)
i went for a spin along the ring road.. windows rolled-down.. hard rock music blasting off my Sony X-plod sound system.. doing a trip around cairo along the ring road, which is about a good 90km... but that's no highway as in western civilized definitions.. it's an uneven, bumpy, sometimes-2-laner-sometimes-5-laner, ass-sweating, full-of-surprises road that is heavy with traffic... i was doing crazy maneuvers and stunt-like take-overs with speeds ranging from 80km/h to 140km/h...
and i came home in one piece...
guess i am still the lucky bastard i used to be after all :)
to all of u people out there..
wherever u r...
remember..
the light at the end of the tunnel..
maybe u..
goodnight...
wherever u r...
remember..
the light at the end of the tunnel..
maybe u..
goodnight...
18 August 2005
signs.. or are they
so, again i'm awake at 5am... and i've only slept like 2.30am or something... i've been having this sleeping disorder for 4 days now (maybe 5 days, i really don't recall).. and this time it was the hardest and most painful... cuz i woke up to throw up... (even though it rhymes it's still gross!).. yeah i threw up.. i threw up all my dinner until there was nothing left inside... but it seems that my brain was not really convinced that that's all.. and it kept sending signals for me to do it more... i was there leaning to the toilette, trying so hard to throw up and nothing comes out!!... and the more that happens, the harder i try.. i fell to my knees.. tears were falling off my eyes.. and i was still doing it!!... it got so intense that at some point i couldn't even take a breath in!!.. my body was rejecting letting anything in unless everything is out first!!... everything!!!!
after a 20 min. struggle, i made myself a hot cup of tea with some mint.. and sat down to write...
getting everything out!.. is this my body's way of punishing me?!... is it giving me a signal that i've been holding alot inside and i just need to let it all out... all... everything.. but do i need to be punished for that?!... why be that cruel!!... if it's true then for the first time my body ain't my alley.. and what a feeling this is... feeling like a stranger in ur own skin... like ur soul doesn't belong in this body... that's cruel.. that's hard to bare.. specially for me..
u know what's playing right now on iTunes (i'm using my sis laptop - and yes she has an iPod)... an old, classic, sad, full of emotion french track by Jeane Manson called 'avant de nous dire adieu'.. and i really love the part where she goes...
ok, then.. i'll forgive my body this time.. and if i find it hard to forgive, i will pretend to forget.. i'll just throw everything out there, blindly.. and even if i feel small, i know i will be back in good terms with myself.. cuz what will always remain is... i'm not finished.. i did not lose myself... and i will always be there loving who i am... howa!
after a 20 min. struggle, i made myself a hot cup of tea with some mint.. and sat down to write...
getting everything out!.. is this my body's way of punishing me?!... is it giving me a signal that i've been holding alot inside and i just need to let it all out... all... everything.. but do i need to be punished for that?!... why be that cruel!!... if it's true then for the first time my body ain't my alley.. and what a feeling this is... feeling like a stranger in ur own skin... like ur soul doesn't belong in this body... that's cruel.. that's hard to bare.. specially for me..
u know what's playing right now on iTunes (i'm using my sis laptop - and yes she has an iPod)... an old, classic, sad, full of emotion french track by Jeane Manson called 'avant de nous dire adieu'.. and i really love the part where she goes...
je peux tout te pardonnershe's holding on in dispare.. i feel it in her voice.. she's trying to run away from the reasons.. trying to ignore them, but to no avail.. it all goes back to the fact that what remains is, c'est fini nous deux.. why.. well, simply cuz l'amour s'en va...
et faire semblant d'oublier
je veux bien fermer les yeux
et faire tout ce que tu veux
je veux bien te partager
et ne veux te supplier
mais reste encore
je me ferai si petite
que tu ne me verras pas
et je me ferai si tendre
que demain tu m'aimeras
je serai toute d'amour
et je serai toute a toi
mais reste encore
ok, then.. i'll forgive my body this time.. and if i find it hard to forgive, i will pretend to forget.. i'll just throw everything out there, blindly.. and even if i feel small, i know i will be back in good terms with myself.. cuz what will always remain is... i'm not finished.. i did not lose myself... and i will always be there loving who i am... howa!
17 August 2005
10 August 2005
Emotional Independence
i know.. it might be a bit of a strange title.. and for ur info, usually i write my post then try to come up with a catchy title for it (and usually i do, i guess).. this time it's totally different.. i just had this urge to log on to my blog and click on 'new post'... i totally had nothing on my mind.. (well, i'm lying - i had alot but none that is blogspot material!!).. anyway, i was faced with this empty new-post page and i had to write something.. and again that urge kicked in and i wrote that title.. i still don't know what i'm gonna write, but c'mon, not everything in life is planned.. i allow room for spontaneity.. so i'll just let it take me on an urge-controlled trip and see where it lands me!!
so, emotional independence.. what the hell would that mean!.. emotional.. hhmmm, yeah i can be emotional.. not all the time but i can get real emotional sometimes... but i get to that specific state by external stimulants.. it's never internal.. it never comes from within.. i need a trigger for it.. oh, so in a way i get emotional depending on some mysterious outside factor... hhmmm, interesting.. so that's like having emotional dependence.. to be in constant need of some intervention to get emotional.. actually i'm ok with it like that... it helps, u know.. needing an external source of something to move u.. and as i have the ability to shield myself from the outside world (or actually drive away with my mental wagon to a fantasy land), it's good that my emotions r dependant... oh, or should i say 'were''......
cuz i've been feeling the change recently... yeah, it's starting to con me... my emotions have been playing tricks on me for some time now... and maybe that would explain it.. emotional independence... generated from the inside.. blooming from within.. emerging from the self.. and in no need for any external intervention.. and it does feel different.. u know why.. cuz i lose my shield then.. i can have a shield against the outside world but not against myself.. never against myself.. (c'mon, i'm a leo and i love myself - it's only natural)..
wow.. it's like going back to basics (as JBJ put it).. being naked... the one thing i need to figure out now is how to express it.. or maybe i should ask myself first, "why express it and to whom?"...
one thing i know... i shouldn't keep it inside.. i shouldn't keep it just to myself... i should let it out.. u know, one of my close friends had something like this recently and she calls it 'ana tele3li soat' state... i would like that.. i am liking the idea already.. and i won't bother myself with answering the why and the who and the how questions... i'll just be out there to everyone in whatever way it comes out... no concerns.. no restrictions.. whatever the outcomes... ain't that freedom!.. or is it emotional independence!
so, emotional independence.. what the hell would that mean!.. emotional.. hhmmm, yeah i can be emotional.. not all the time but i can get real emotional sometimes... but i get to that specific state by external stimulants.. it's never internal.. it never comes from within.. i need a trigger for it.. oh, so in a way i get emotional depending on some mysterious outside factor... hhmmm, interesting.. so that's like having emotional dependence.. to be in constant need of some intervention to get emotional.. actually i'm ok with it like that... it helps, u know.. needing an external source of something to move u.. and as i have the ability to shield myself from the outside world (or actually drive away with my mental wagon to a fantasy land), it's good that my emotions r dependant... oh, or should i say 'were''......
cuz i've been feeling the change recently... yeah, it's starting to con me... my emotions have been playing tricks on me for some time now... and maybe that would explain it.. emotional independence... generated from the inside.. blooming from within.. emerging from the self.. and in no need for any external intervention.. and it does feel different.. u know why.. cuz i lose my shield then.. i can have a shield against the outside world but not against myself.. never against myself.. (c'mon, i'm a leo and i love myself - it's only natural)..
wow.. it's like going back to basics (as JBJ put it).. being naked... the one thing i need to figure out now is how to express it.. or maybe i should ask myself first, "why express it and to whom?"...
one thing i know... i shouldn't keep it inside.. i shouldn't keep it just to myself... i should let it out.. u know, one of my close friends had something like this recently and she calls it 'ana tele3li soat' state... i would like that.. i am liking the idea already.. and i won't bother myself with answering the why and the who and the how questions... i'll just be out there to everyone in whatever way it comes out... no concerns.. no restrictions.. whatever the outcomes... ain't that freedom!.. or is it emotional independence!
06 August 2005
trouble... with myself..
yeah i'm having trouble with myself.. and it's the worst kinda trouble anyone could ever experience.. specially for someone who lives and breaths freedom and independence.. i have so much hate for the outside world.. i have so much hate for people.. for fate.. for life.. for everything.. i cannot cope.. i'm trying and i have always been trying.. i had flops before and now i'm having another.. but this time it's different.. this time i am different.. this time i'm holding it in.. i'm not letting it go.. i want to let it go.. i want to lose it but i can't.. it's eating me inside.. and i can't do anything about it.. god, i feel so weak..
26 July 2005
i don't give a fuck..
so it's my life.. no one else's.. it's mine.. i do whatever i want with it.. i could even end it if that's what i see myself doing with it.. but i don't wanna end it (not now at least).. and i actually don't want it to end.. i ain't living in the french riviera with cash poping out of my asshole.. i ain't super famous like brad pitt, beckham, zeta jones, and j-lo combined in one... i don't own a ferrari enzo or have real estate in every major city in the world.. i'm only a normal, every-day guy whole lives in the capital city of one of the developing countries with an amount of cash only enough to sustain his moderate needs.. i'm only famous among my friends, and they ain't that much anyway.. i only own a 1.0 liter, 98 make VW.. and i'm enjoying my life.. i love my life.. i love what i've become through those 28 years of living on this planet.. but what's life?.. this thing i'm having and happy about, what is it?.. is it a dream or a fantasy?.. well, no.. cuz i have another fantasy-land life i sometimes run to (in other words, 'escape to') that is totally different from my real life.. mainly made up of all the things i want in real life but can't have or can't do.. but still, i love my life.. with such a reality-show like life, u have sets of rules u have to follow.. some r imposed by nature (like the fact that i can't fly for instance).. others r introduced by nature due to the fact that i'm a human being (i eat when i'm hungry).. some r just there in me since the day i was born (like hating chocolate).. and some r man made.. those i hate.. i believe in god... i believe in fate.. but i believe in freedom.. i believe in the power of choice.. i use the ability to observe, process, and analyze to come out with ideas.. i don't just follow, i evaluate.. i need to be convinced.. it's a form of security.. cuz a part of those rules nature introduced to human beings is hating insecurity.. i get my security from knowing and practicing my intellect.. i see it as a minimum for life.. to be able to think... people don't die just when they stop breathing, or when their hearts stop beating.. they die when they stop thinking.. and the tragedy of my life is that the people around me stopped doing exactly that.. they just follow.. they don't evaluate anymore.. ok ok, i ain't totting my own horn or anything.. like i'm the only one worth having a life.. so let me put it this way.. people around me didn't really stop thinking.. but they r using all this thinking power in them to try and find ways and reasons for living in a certain mold.. i hate that.. why?.. cuz they end up either with trivial explanations and excuses for their ways of living or tend to relate every thing to super powers that control our destinies.. they just never stop and wonder why they r sticking to that mold.. that that mold is something they control not something controlling them.. i have to admit.. sometimes i ain't open as i wish i was... but at least i'm trying.. so why do u people make it so hard for me.. i'm gonna live my life the way i choose.. no matter what.. i have enjoyed, i am enjoying, and i will enjoy every minute of it..
12 July 2005
a Hero or a Zero
so, who am i?.. what a thought!!.. i've been wondering about that probably since i was born.. well ok, at least since i started shitting on my own.. throughout my life, i've discovered many interesting facts about the world we live in.. and also about myself.. but still i couldn't figure out who i am..a champion, who would win.. a conqueror, who would dominate.. a god, who would rule.. or maybe just a cipher, who would elude.. a wimp, who would crawl.. a nobody, who would be crushed.. i always wondered whether i'd be a hero or a zero..
now, as you enter my life, you would read this word, 'freedom'.. and it will be repeated as u descend in me (or ascend depending on which way u're going – in or out of my life).. freedom is my essence.. my fundamental nature.. everything you need to know about me is right there in this word.. i'm not invincible, but i ain't pathetic.. i'm not correct, but i ain't invalid.. i find pleasure as i will and put up with discomfort as i must.. i'm the result of each individual experience i ever had.. each tangled with every other one, forming a wild living thing.. my worst experiences exist alongside my best.. until telling which root from which is impossible.. everything combines to make me who i am..
i put myself out there on display for other people to experience, and maybe enjoy.. i display my art, along with my madness.. i display my insight, along with my lunacy.. i display my inner-most self through my writing.. i have my share of diplomacy, although i hate politics.. i have my share of friends, although i hate people.. but there is still more in there that is unlabeled.. there just ain’t no words to describe those hidden undiscovered territories in me.. u have to get close to them, touch them, and feel them to get to know them.. and i'm sure they will leave u with an impression that will be marked in u forever.. i'm sure of that cuz i do it myself.. every once in a while, i explore and dig out those concealed parts of me that has grown and matured.. sometimes when they are much too fragile rather than bringing them out, i go inside to sit with them.. sometimes i blow on them with my own breath hard enough to stir them into flight.. or i just stand back and observe while the winds of change storm over them provoking them into a state of eruption.. yeah, that feeling of letting nature take its course with something so much virgin and deep within u is eerie, but it is strangely reassuring..
u know, i always wanted so desperately to cling to something, but all that's around me is just so frail that if i try to grab any, i end up with only a handful of nothing.. but again, my memories are just memories.. my dreams are just dreams.. after all, i’m a human, wild and free..
and heinz…
u endure faithfully.. despite people-poisonings, u will continue to thrive.. u will bloom even between rocks.. u will flourish even through times of difficulty.. and u will merge troubles into smiles so bright and colorful as u always did.. u will always have the will and power to look me in the eyes and blow me a soft kiss sending beautiful wishes and happy thoughts into my world.. after all, u’re a human, wild and free..
now, as you enter my life, you would read this word, 'freedom'.. and it will be repeated as u descend in me (or ascend depending on which way u're going – in or out of my life).. freedom is my essence.. my fundamental nature.. everything you need to know about me is right there in this word.. i'm not invincible, but i ain't pathetic.. i'm not correct, but i ain't invalid.. i find pleasure as i will and put up with discomfort as i must.. i'm the result of each individual experience i ever had.. each tangled with every other one, forming a wild living thing.. my worst experiences exist alongside my best.. until telling which root from which is impossible.. everything combines to make me who i am..
i put myself out there on display for other people to experience, and maybe enjoy.. i display my art, along with my madness.. i display my insight, along with my lunacy.. i display my inner-most self through my writing.. i have my share of diplomacy, although i hate politics.. i have my share of friends, although i hate people.. but there is still more in there that is unlabeled.. there just ain’t no words to describe those hidden undiscovered territories in me.. u have to get close to them, touch them, and feel them to get to know them.. and i'm sure they will leave u with an impression that will be marked in u forever.. i'm sure of that cuz i do it myself.. every once in a while, i explore and dig out those concealed parts of me that has grown and matured.. sometimes when they are much too fragile rather than bringing them out, i go inside to sit with them.. sometimes i blow on them with my own breath hard enough to stir them into flight.. or i just stand back and observe while the winds of change storm over them provoking them into a state of eruption.. yeah, that feeling of letting nature take its course with something so much virgin and deep within u is eerie, but it is strangely reassuring..
u know, i always wanted so desperately to cling to something, but all that's around me is just so frail that if i try to grab any, i end up with only a handful of nothing.. but again, my memories are just memories.. my dreams are just dreams.. after all, i’m a human, wild and free..
and heinz…
u endure faithfully.. despite people-poisonings, u will continue to thrive.. u will bloom even between rocks.. u will flourish even through times of difficulty.. and u will merge troubles into smiles so bright and colorful as u always did.. u will always have the will and power to look me in the eyes and blow me a soft kiss sending beautiful wishes and happy thoughts into my world.. after all, u’re a human, wild and free..
24 June 2005
the best beauty cosmetic product ever!
what was, what is, and what will be.. is exactly as it should be.. for me...
can we call this happiness.. when everything is in place.. when u feel the harmony of ur life tunes.. ur heart beating with tempo to every breath u take.. giving ur mind and body a lovely melody playing in the background to sooth and relief.. a time at which u feel that even ur troubles r well placed.. nothing needs to change, and u don't wanna change any..
observe people who r truly happy.. whoever they r and whatever they do.. it might be a carpenter in his workshop.. a painter in his gallery.. a dancer in a ballroom.. a bungee jumper in mid air.. a junky after a couple of puffs.. and in a certain state.. a certain level.. a certain elevation or altitude of happiness, u start to notice that it's not only people.. things around u can be happy too.. ur phone when it rings.. ur pen moving up, down, and sideways to produce attached letters with eventual spaces between them.. even ur car having that big smile over the hood, or on the steering wheel.. u would then realize that u were not searching for happiness as if it was a file on ur windows-operated machine before installing google desktop search.. u will know that it's not a goal in itself.. u will be aware that it is the course of living ur life.. every minute of it..
so, a piece of advice.. i ain't giving it to u whole anyway! :) ... stop wasting all those consecutively running sixty-second intervals.. those who don't feel happiness, are not those who can't find it.. it's those who don't have the time to enjoy it...
u know heinz...
with my humble knowledge of make-up...
i think happiness is the best beauty cosmetic product ever...
and it doesn't need foundation :)
can we call this happiness.. when everything is in place.. when u feel the harmony of ur life tunes.. ur heart beating with tempo to every breath u take.. giving ur mind and body a lovely melody playing in the background to sooth and relief.. a time at which u feel that even ur troubles r well placed.. nothing needs to change, and u don't wanna change any..
observe people who r truly happy.. whoever they r and whatever they do.. it might be a carpenter in his workshop.. a painter in his gallery.. a dancer in a ballroom.. a bungee jumper in mid air.. a junky after a couple of puffs.. and in a certain state.. a certain level.. a certain elevation or altitude of happiness, u start to notice that it's not only people.. things around u can be happy too.. ur phone when it rings.. ur pen moving up, down, and sideways to produce attached letters with eventual spaces between them.. even ur car having that big smile over the hood, or on the steering wheel.. u would then realize that u were not searching for happiness as if it was a file on ur windows-operated machine before installing google desktop search.. u will know that it's not a goal in itself.. u will be aware that it is the course of living ur life.. every minute of it..
so, a piece of advice.. i ain't giving it to u whole anyway! :) ... stop wasting all those consecutively running sixty-second intervals.. those who don't feel happiness, are not those who can't find it.. it's those who don't have the time to enjoy it...
u know heinz...
with my humble knowledge of make-up...
i think happiness is the best beauty cosmetic product ever...
and it doesn't need foundation :)
13 June 2005
01 June 2005
YOUMEUS
... the completeness of unity
... the continuity of eternity
... the absoluteness of perfection
... the extremity of extravagance
... the sovereignty of freedom
... the simplicity of freshness
... the heinzation of friez
... the friezation of heinz
i just love..
YOUMEUS
... the continuity of eternity
... the absoluteness of perfection
... the extremity of extravagance
... the sovereignty of freedom
... the simplicity of freshness
... the heinzation of friez
... the friezation of heinz
i just love..
YOUMEUS
20 May 2005
a simple french feeling
je dis..
je t'aime,
mais il n'est pas assez...
et maintenant je dis..
je suis fier,
mais il n'est pas assez aussi...
ainsi je dis..
"mon amour.. l'esprit sera"
je t'aime,
mais il n'est pas assez...
et maintenant je dis..
je suis fier,
mais il n'est pas assez aussi...
ainsi je dis..
"mon amour.. l'esprit sera"
13 May 2005
"Time After Time"
(lyrics by Sammy Cahn and Jule Styne)
---------------------
---------------------
what good are words i say to u?
they can't convey to u what's in my heart
if you could hear instead
the things i've left unsaid
time after time
i tell myself that i'm
so lucky to be loving u
so lucky to be
the one u run to see
in the evening, when the day is through
i only know what i know
the passing years will show
u've kept my love so young, so new
and time after time
u'll hear me say that i'm
so lucky to be loving you
05 May 2005
time stood still ...
they sat on a park bench.. his arm around her.. her head on his shoulder.. holding hands in the moonlight..
there was silence between them.. so profound was their love for each other, they needed no words to express it.. so they sat in silence.. on a park bench.. his arm around her.. her head on his shoulder .. holding hands in the moonlight..
after an indefinite amount of time, she spoke.. "do u love me?".. she knows the answer.. it's always playing in her heart.. she just wants to hear it once again.. she never gets tired of hearing those words.. and knowing this, he replied with a truly jubilant tone, "u know i love u".. "u r my life.. u r my sun, moon and stars.. u r my destiny.. u r my everything"..
again there was silence, as they sat on a park bench.. his arm around her.. her head on his shoulder .. holding hands in the moonlight..
once more she spoke.. "how much do u love me?".. she knows the answer to this one as well, but she loves it when he describes its immensity.. in a wondering yet confident voice he said, "how much do i love u?.. if i could measure the number of water drops in the oceans.. or count the number of sand grains on the sea shores.. it would still be impossible for me to say how much i love u.. my love for u is higher than the heavens.. broader than the universe.. deeper than philosophy.. lighter than a feather.. it's limitless.. it's eternal.. everything must have a limit or an end, except my love for u"..
there was more silence, as they sat on a park bench.. his arm around her.. her head on his shoulder .. holding hands in the moonlight..
she raised her head, looked him in the eye and whispered so tenderly that it almost didn't break the silence, "kiss me".. he slowly leaned forward.. their nosetips swiftly touched creating an aura of blessed euphoria.. then their lips pressed creating fields of alluring endearment felt by their souls.. and exactly at that moment, time stood still..
x
03 May 2005
only words ...
human weakness is a display of human strength ...
woooh!.. slow down here.. human weakness is a display of human strength!!!!.. yeah, for only in our moments of weakness, the extent of our strength is shown for what it is.. but do u know who the real winners r.. the real winners r the fools.. the fools who follow the true desires of their hearts.. defying common sense and reasoning.. in a peaceful, light-minded, and passive way, they r the winners...
i guess it's always better to know .. better than forever looking back and wondering 'what if' or saying 'if only'.. it's better to try and fail, than wonder if u could have succeeded..
but have i failed?.. no, i haven’t failed... ok, then have i been a fool?.. well, i guess, yeah, to some extent.. i have been a fool pursuing desires i do not even totally understand.. but after all, that's me .. i always have determination to believe even when all hope is gone.. i have stumbled before.. i have fallen before.. my pride left lying in the dirt before.. but i have never utterly failed.. and all through my struggles, i have demonstrated what it is that i am made of...
i've shown her that i care .. i've shown her that i believe in her .. she knows how i feel .. in fact, her heart holds the secret to understanding all of my actions .. if only she had the insight to seek the answers within .. i have made a difference in her life (i like to believe).. i have believed in her when she didn't believe in herself .. man, i even believe in her right now when i don't believe in myself...
i have lost the little patience i once had.. and i guess i have slipped, with the constant drive to satisfy my stubborn ego.. it was born out of the frustration of longing so much to defy my lifetime loneliness.. and if she just looks through the eyes of her heart, she will understand my motive.. she will see that only someone who truly cares would struggle as such.. just like a fool...
the true winners in life are the unnoticed idols.. those who do not masquerade themselves at the ball, rather prefer to go unmasked.. they may not get what they desire, but they play till the end.. the tragedy is that they usually play with the rules of a desperate heart.. and that's why they go unnoticed..
so, even if i don't win
all i have is words .. only words .. words to truly capture my revelation .. words to tell you what i feel .. words to try and paint the picture of perfection for u .. words to say, I LOVE YOU ..
27 April 2005
discrepancy ...
i love .. not because i want to.. but because i can't help but do so.. i don't fight it .. and won't .. but i also hate .. because i can't help it as well... i love to explore and experience.. but i hate the obligation it sometimes brings… it might come as a surprise since i use that word a lot, but i hate to feel hate .. it's truly just the extravagant person i am.. i take the slaps and the fuck-you’s.. but i can also give them out .. we drift, and a few people will assume these words are about them, but who's to think such things? who's capable of embracing contradicting feelings and be ok with it? .. u? .. u?.. maybe u? .. but where r all of u when my nights are winding down? .. where r u when my thoughts are wounded? .. me, i'm here .. always have been and always will be .. but do i even want u near?.. i just want to miss, skip, or fast-forward the rehearsals and get to the show cuz that's where i feel real.. i hate that i have to hold back because people can't comfortably consume the truth.. but i love that i can spill out the truth without worry .. i just don't care.. truth is beauty, but is so often misunderstood and too often fought.. u may love it as well, but i think everybody hates it when it's the truth about themselves.. i want to touch a bare back without getting my fingers cut.. i want to lick lips that have no arsenic.. i want to practice it and then feel the same way i thought it would be like... i want to release myself into a dark, unknown, and ignorant corridor and still see.. but the doubt remains that no one would get it, nor appreciate it, nor take it for what it is, nor understand my feelings about it, nor kiss my cheek and rub my back without thinking where it's gonna get them..
i want to love without thought, since i hate without thought.. i want to know that i can hold a face in my hands without having to worry about pulling a bullshit, miss-matched mask.. i want to tickle a neck without having to calm a heart, but i also want to calm a heart with just a tickle on the neck.. i hate contradictions just as much as i love them.. i want to push back and fight.. i want to see eyes for what they are; windows to the soul.. i hate typical and i love direct contact without nervousness and pre-determined social tendencies.. i love to live.. but it's too bad most won't stand beside me.. there are no moves that are wrong unless you make up rules.. i hate rules.. why worry about what this will mean and what that will mean.. what life are u living?.. is this world so restricted?.. can't we just abrupt?.. can't we cut through people revealing their most inner freedom?.. can't seeing eye-to-eye just be?.. what would the truth hurt when there are no social pursuits to consider?.. truth shouldn't have to be fought all through.. go with the excitement of what u know, not what u think.. try it just once.. lack of enthusiasm is man's excuse for dishonesty and the by-product of fear..
smile and see the beauty…
lick
24 April 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
on this day ..
26 years ago ..
the most wonderful thing in my life happened ..
and i would like to thank Zahzahan and Nabil for it ...
26 years ago ..
the most wonderful thing in my life happened ..
and i would like to thank Zahzahan and Nabil for it ...
THANK YOU
PS.
and thanx Rome ;)
22 April 2005
all things being '=' ..
i was reading through my little sis blog and i came across a post titled 'all things being equal', where she was debating the use of 'that' phrase .. she had this conclusion that it's to be used to make sentences longer .. kinda like how i used the word 'malheureusement' during my years of studying French :) .. although it means 'unfortunately', that didn't really stop me from using it in every paragraph :) …
but malheuresement (ops!), that's just impossible .. we have to deal with all the variables in life often not knowing, or even having the slightest clue, what life's gonna throw at us .. yes, the proper knowledge would help, and some experience to go with it is certainly a plus, but again malheuresement (wops!!) not even Agatha
so what should we do .. how about if we just enjoy every single bit of it… we should just take it as a whole package and enjoy it .. the secret would, then, lie within the saying 'life is not about having what u want, but rather wanting what u have' … malheuresement (ok!!!), not enough people believe in that …
PS.
guess i'm not over that malheuresement thing after all, uuuhhhhhh ….
20 April 2005
craving u ...
so it's a crave.. definitely a crave ... so deep and so intense ... i guess it was like initiated by the place we went to .. it's this fantastic place that we tried for the first time in zamalek and it was incredible .. amazingly incredible .. out of this world actually ('this world' referring to the crude, under-styled, unsophisticated country i'm living in).. so, it started right there .. what started? .. well, a crave .. and as i said, what kicked it off was the place...but there had to be something else to keep it going on .. a different source of inspiration ... something to get me going on .. and that something was u ..
i didn't realize it at first .. i mean, yeah u give me inspiration and u can't seem to stop amazing me every single day .. but that wasn't it .. it was a new emotion to be added to the marvelous mixture mingling inside of me since i met u .. it was a crave ...
so how do u do that? .. and how do i respond to it so effortlessly? … sometimes i sit back and wonder, "what is it that intrigues me about u? .. what r the things responsible for firing up such a genuine response within me?" … so i actually started filling up a list .. i called it "The Little Things that Get Me Started’ ..
The Little Things that Get Me Started
how u talk fast and switch from topic to topic when u're hyper ..
how u improvise and order something that is not on the menu ..
how u hold my hand to reassure me when i'm feeling heavy ..
how u share my silence ..
how u get reluctant to go up when i drive u home ..
how u get stubborn and hold on to ur words when i interrupt u ..
how caressing u try to be running ur fingers through my hair ..
how u love my car ..
how u look at me with those big brown eyes ..
how u respond to my wink ..
how u sometimes read me part of ur diary ..
how u come to me for advice ..
how u always try to surprise me knowing that i love it ..
how u finish up my clorets ..
how u enjoy it when i speed up and go crazy on the road ..
how u look wearing ur glasses when we're at the movies ..
how u take a while to remember to unlock my car door ..
how u occasionally smell ur food before eating it ..
but as i went on .. i realized something .. there ain’t no list big enough to hold all the things i adore about u .. and btw, the list i was working on was only for the little stuff ;) ..
I CRAVE U
i didn't realize it at first .. i mean, yeah u give me inspiration and u can't seem to stop amazing me every single day .. but that wasn't it .. it was a new emotion to be added to the marvelous mixture mingling inside of me since i met u .. it was a crave ...
so how do u do that? .. and how do i respond to it so effortlessly? … sometimes i sit back and wonder, "what is it that intrigues me about u? .. what r the things responsible for firing up such a genuine response within me?" … so i actually started filling up a list .. i called it "The Little Things that Get Me Started’ ..
The Little Things that Get Me Started
how u talk fast and switch from topic to topic when u're hyper ..
how u improvise and order something that is not on the menu ..
how u hold my hand to reassure me when i'm feeling heavy ..
how u share my silence ..
how u get reluctant to go up when i drive u home ..
how u get stubborn and hold on to ur words when i interrupt u ..
how caressing u try to be running ur fingers through my hair ..
how u love my car ..
how u look at me with those big brown eyes ..
how u respond to my wink ..
how u sometimes read me part of ur diary ..
how u come to me for advice ..
how u always try to surprise me knowing that i love it ..
how u finish up my clorets ..
how u enjoy it when i speed up and go crazy on the road ..
how u look wearing ur glasses when we're at the movies ..
how u take a while to remember to unlock my car door ..
how u occasionally smell ur food before eating it ..
but as i went on .. i realized something .. there ain’t no list big enough to hold all the things i adore about u .. and btw, the list i was working on was only for the little stuff ;) ..
I CRAVE U
15 April 2005
last night ...
what a night! … what a sleep! … how can i wake up in the morning with such a feeling … a feeling of total satisfaction … like last night was my past .. all of it .. and i didn't really miss anything .. like i've achieved everything i ever wanted … and if i had the chance of going back, i won't change a single thing .. absolute gratitude and appreciation for my past .. it's fulfillment .. yes it's a feeling of fulfillment .. supreme and utter fulfillment … from the moment i opened up my
ur eyes ...
i just loved last night ...
--<<--@
11 April 2005
heavenly tears ..
oh, ur tears .. how magnificent they were .. how they slowly formed behind ur eyelids and gave ur eyes that unmistakable magical sparkle .. ur eyelids spread the very first drop of tear evenly across ur eye .. but little by little that stream of moist kept flowing until it was too heavy for ur eyelashes to hold them in .. they outlined into a shape of a drop and then were released ... so free and serene .. unrestricted and unobstructed .. totally at liberty, they surrendered to gravity that gently carryed them in a downstream over to ur cheeks ...
and right into my heart ...
i can't believe most of us would just end their journey with a wipe!
and right into my heart ...
i can't believe most of us would just end their journey with a wipe!
08 April 2005
JAIL ..
a woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.. she puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.. she finds him sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee, and he appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.. she watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.
"what's the matter dear?" .. she whispers as she steps into the room.. "why are you sitting down here this time of the night?" .. the husband looks up and says, "do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating?".. "yes, I do" she replies.. the husband paused, the words were not coming easily.. "do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?".. "yes I remember" said the wife lowering herself into a chair beside him.. the husband continued, "do you remember when he threatened me and told me to either marry you or he'll send me to jail for 20 years." ..." yes I remember that too" she whispered softly.
he wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
"i would be getting out today"! ...
05 April 2005
a short story ...
(A short story by Leo Tolstoy - abridged)
One day, there was an emperor who had three questions he wished he knew the answer to.
What is the best time to do each thing?
Who are the most important people to work with?
What is the most important thing to do?
The emperor issued a decree throughout his kingdom announcing that whoever could answer the questions would receive a great reward. Many who read the decree made their way to the palace at once, each person with a different answer.
In reply to the first question, one person advised that the emperor make up a thorough time schedule. But the emperor was not convinced as it was impossible to plan in advance for everything in the future. Someone else suggested said that the emperor should set up a council of wise men and then to act according to their advice. Another adviced him to consult magicians and fortune-tellers. But again the emperor was not convinced.
Responses to the second question also lacked sense. One person said that the emperor needed to place all his trust in his administrators, another urged reliance on priests and monks, while others recommended physicians. Still others put their faith in warriors. But the emperor was not convinced either.
The third question drew a similar variety of answers. Some said science was the most important pursuit. Others insisted on religion. Yet others claimed the most important thing was military skill.
After hearing all these answers, not a single one convinced the emperor, and he decided that no reward was to be given to anyone.
After several nights, the emperor heard of an old wise man who lived up on the mountain and was said to be very enlightened. The emperor wished to find the answer to his three questions, so he decided to go and visit the old wise man.
It was known that the old wise man welcomes only the poor, refusing to have anything to do with wealthy people. So the emperor disguised himself as a simple peasant and ordered his guards to wait for him at the foot of the mountain while he climbed up the slope alone to meet the old wise man.
Reaching the top, the emperor found the old wise man digging a garden in front of his hut. When the old wise man saw the stranger, he nodded his head in greeting and continued to dig. The labor was obviously hard on him but he was working hard.
The emperor approached him and said, "I have come here to ask your help with three questions: When is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do?" The wise man listened but only patted the emperor on the shoulder and continued digging. The emperor said, "You must be tired. Here, let me give you a hand with that." The wise man agreed and thanked him, and then sat down on the ground to rest.
After an hour, the emperor stopped and turned to the wise man and repeated his three questions. The wise man still did not answer, but instead stood up and said, "Why don't you rest now? I can take over again." But the emperor refused and continued to dig. Another hour passed, then two. Finally the sun began to set behind the mountain. The emperor said to the old wise man, "I came here to ask if you could answer my three questions. But if you can't give me any answer, please let me know so that I can get on may way home."
The wise man lifted his head and asked the emperor, "Do you see someone running over there?" The emperor turned his head and they both saw a man emerge from the woods. He ran towards them pressing his hands against a bloody wound in his stomach. The man ran toward the emperor before falling unconscious to the ground. The emperor cleaned the wound and used his own shirt to bandage it until the flow of blood had stopped.
Meanwhile, the sun had disappeared and the night air had begun to turn cold. The old wise man gave the emperor a hand in carrying the wounded man into the hut where they laid him down. The wounded man closed his eyes and fell to sleep. The emperor was worn out from the long day of climbing the mountain and digging the garden that he too fell asleep.
When he woke up, he looked over to the bed and saw the wounded man looking around him in confusion. When the wounded man saw the emperor, he stared at him and then said in a faint whisper, "Please forgive me."
"But what have you done that I should forgive you?" the emperor asked.
"You do not know me, your majesty, but I know you. I was your enemy and during the last war you killed my family and seized my property and I had vowed to take revenge. When I learned that you were coming alone to the mountain to meet the old wise man, I wanted to kill you on your way back. But after waiting a long time at the foot of the mountain there was still no sign of you, so I left my hiding place to look for you. But instead of finding you, I came across your guards, who recognized me, and gave me this wound. Luckily, I escaped and ran here. If I hadn't met you I would surely be dead by now. I had intended to kill you, but instead you saved my life! I am ashamed and grateful and if I live, I vow to be your servant for the rest of my life."
The emperor was moved by the story of the wounded man that he not only forgave the man but promised to return all his property and to send his own physician to serve the man until he was completely healed. After ordering his guards to take the wounded man home, the emperor returned to the old wise man and repeated his three questions one last time. The old wise man looked at the emperorand said, "but your questions have already been answered your majesty."
"How's that?" the emperor asked.
"Yesterday, if you had not taken pity on my age and given me a hand with the digging, you would have been attacked by that man on your way home. Therefore the most important time was the time you took the decision to dig in my garden, the most important person was myself, and the most important pursuit was to help me. Later, when the wounded man ran up here, the most important time was the time you decided to clean the man's wound. Likewise, he was the most important person, and the most important pursuit was taking care of him."
The emperor was still puzzeled so the old wise man added, "Always remember that the best time to do anything is 'Now'. The present moment is the only time over which you have control. The most important person is always the person sharing the present moment with you, for who knows if you will ever be with any other person in the future. And the most important thing to do is to make that person who's sharing the present with you, happy, for that alone is the way to enjoy life."
well ...
here is a questions that i would like someone to answer ...
What if, the 'Now' is so lonely and the most important person is not there with you to share the present and you just have no means of making her happy?
I MISS U
--<<--@
One day, there was an emperor who had three questions he wished he knew the answer to.
What is the best time to do each thing?
Who are the most important people to work with?
What is the most important thing to do?
The emperor issued a decree throughout his kingdom announcing that whoever could answer the questions would receive a great reward. Many who read the decree made their way to the palace at once, each person with a different answer.
In reply to the first question, one person advised that the emperor make up a thorough time schedule. But the emperor was not convinced as it was impossible to plan in advance for everything in the future. Someone else suggested said that the emperor should set up a council of wise men and then to act according to their advice. Another adviced him to consult magicians and fortune-tellers. But again the emperor was not convinced.
Responses to the second question also lacked sense. One person said that the emperor needed to place all his trust in his administrators, another urged reliance on priests and monks, while others recommended physicians. Still others put their faith in warriors. But the emperor was not convinced either.
The third question drew a similar variety of answers. Some said science was the most important pursuit. Others insisted on religion. Yet others claimed the most important thing was military skill.
After hearing all these answers, not a single one convinced the emperor, and he decided that no reward was to be given to anyone.
After several nights, the emperor heard of an old wise man who lived up on the mountain and was said to be very enlightened. The emperor wished to find the answer to his three questions, so he decided to go and visit the old wise man.
It was known that the old wise man welcomes only the poor, refusing to have anything to do with wealthy people. So the emperor disguised himself as a simple peasant and ordered his guards to wait for him at the foot of the mountain while he climbed up the slope alone to meet the old wise man.
Reaching the top, the emperor found the old wise man digging a garden in front of his hut. When the old wise man saw the stranger, he nodded his head in greeting and continued to dig. The labor was obviously hard on him but he was working hard.
The emperor approached him and said, "I have come here to ask your help with three questions: When is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do?" The wise man listened but only patted the emperor on the shoulder and continued digging. The emperor said, "You must be tired. Here, let me give you a hand with that." The wise man agreed and thanked him, and then sat down on the ground to rest.
After an hour, the emperor stopped and turned to the wise man and repeated his three questions. The wise man still did not answer, but instead stood up and said, "Why don't you rest now? I can take over again." But the emperor refused and continued to dig. Another hour passed, then two. Finally the sun began to set behind the mountain. The emperor said to the old wise man, "I came here to ask if you could answer my three questions. But if you can't give me any answer, please let me know so that I can get on may way home."
The wise man lifted his head and asked the emperor, "Do you see someone running over there?" The emperor turned his head and they both saw a man emerge from the woods. He ran towards them pressing his hands against a bloody wound in his stomach. The man ran toward the emperor before falling unconscious to the ground. The emperor cleaned the wound and used his own shirt to bandage it until the flow of blood had stopped.
Meanwhile, the sun had disappeared and the night air had begun to turn cold. The old wise man gave the emperor a hand in carrying the wounded man into the hut where they laid him down. The wounded man closed his eyes and fell to sleep. The emperor was worn out from the long day of climbing the mountain and digging the garden that he too fell asleep.
When he woke up, he looked over to the bed and saw the wounded man looking around him in confusion. When the wounded man saw the emperor, he stared at him and then said in a faint whisper, "Please forgive me."
"But what have you done that I should forgive you?" the emperor asked.
"You do not know me, your majesty, but I know you. I was your enemy and during the last war you killed my family and seized my property and I had vowed to take revenge. When I learned that you were coming alone to the mountain to meet the old wise man, I wanted to kill you on your way back. But after waiting a long time at the foot of the mountain there was still no sign of you, so I left my hiding place to look for you. But instead of finding you, I came across your guards, who recognized me, and gave me this wound. Luckily, I escaped and ran here. If I hadn't met you I would surely be dead by now. I had intended to kill you, but instead you saved my life! I am ashamed and grateful and if I live, I vow to be your servant for the rest of my life."
The emperor was moved by the story of the wounded man that he not only forgave the man but promised to return all his property and to send his own physician to serve the man until he was completely healed. After ordering his guards to take the wounded man home, the emperor returned to the old wise man and repeated his three questions one last time. The old wise man looked at the emperorand said, "but your questions have already been answered your majesty."
"How's that?" the emperor asked.
"Yesterday, if you had not taken pity on my age and given me a hand with the digging, you would have been attacked by that man on your way home. Therefore the most important time was the time you took the decision to dig in my garden, the most important person was myself, and the most important pursuit was to help me. Later, when the wounded man ran up here, the most important time was the time you decided to clean the man's wound. Likewise, he was the most important person, and the most important pursuit was taking care of him."
The emperor was still puzzeled so the old wise man added, "Always remember that the best time to do anything is 'Now'. The present moment is the only time over which you have control. The most important person is always the person sharing the present moment with you, for who knows if you will ever be with any other person in the future. And the most important thing to do is to make that person who's sharing the present with you, happy, for that alone is the way to enjoy life."
well ...
here is a questions that i would like someone to answer ...
What if, the 'Now' is so lonely and the most important person is not there with you to share the present and you just have no means of making her happy?
I MISS U
--<<--@
29 March 2005
wake-up call ...
(playing is Miles Davis – Smoke Gets in your Eyes) …
i was recently involved in this discussion about life and how people perceive it on one of the yahoo groups (PTP – Pen Temple Pilots) .. i'm not gonna go into the details of the discussion right now really, but there was something posted in the midst of the heated debate that got me to writing this blog .. actually that would be the mildest effect it had on me, initiating a blog i mean .. it was like a wake-up call .. no, it was literally a wake-up call .. i was drifting away .. and it snatched me out of the swamp i was sinking into, and back to reality … (i would like to add the word 'beautiful' right there before 'reality') …
what was the post about? .. ok , it was about those people who get their minds so fixed on one dream and congregate all their energy and power to try an make it come true .. but while doing so, they lose track of the beautiful things in their lives … they just stop enjoying .. thinking they r probably saving their energy for the task at hand; making the dream come true .. yeah, it's true .. people sometimes do that … well, myself included .. i've been doing that recently .. i was hung-up on a dream .. a dream that had a whole life of its own .. i was so blindly living my dream and shunning reality .. sometimes thinking i need to focus on the dream for it to come true .. sometimes just enjoying living it in my mind … but once i read that post .. i realized i was wrong … not wrong cuz i had such a gorgeous dream … but wrong to let it prevent me from enjoying my life … specially that i've realized, my reality is so beautiful .. maybe not complete but so beautiful ..
i once read a saying that goes, "love is when u don't want to go to sleep, because reality is better than a dream" … well, i ain't there yet .. but for the mean time .. my dream, however great it is (and it is GREAT), will not prevent me from enjoying my beautiful reality again …
PS.
this line is for my baby ...
i can't get that far away ... i need u ..
22 March 2005
what a wonderful world ...
i see trees of green ..
and red roses too ...
i see them bloom ...
for me and u ...
and i think to myself ..
what a wonderful world ..
good morning everybody ..
u know when sometimes u wake up in the morning and the minute u open ur eyes u realize this is a new day and i can't wait for it to start .. u feel like everything can't be but ok .. u get into that mood where it's all bananas ;) ... and u start singing louis armstrong's 'what a wonderful world' .. and when u reach there .. when u reach that place .. u won't really bother urself with 'why' .. 'why am i feeling this way?' ... u start thinking about the happy stuff in ur life .. ur friends, ur career, ur loved ones, and urself .. and u might reflect back to certain memories that u cherish for days like these .. and with every recollection u would go like, 'that's why i'm feeling so good, oh no that is why i'm feeling so good, maybe that is why i'm feeling so good' ... but u never really know .. u can never pin-point a certain or single something .. it doesn't spoil ur mood at all though .. but let me tell u this ... if u actually know .. if u can really pin-point the reason .. and if that reason is so pretty, talented, sensitive, creative, wild, fun, and a bit crazy ... u won't just feel good ... u'd feeeel a million good .. a billion good .. a zillion good ... u'd feel like i feel right now ..
i luv my life :)
and red roses too ...
i see them bloom ...
for me and u ...
and i think to myself ..
what a wonderful world ..
good morning everybody ..
u know when sometimes u wake up in the morning and the minute u open ur eyes u realize this is a new day and i can't wait for it to start .. u feel like everything can't be but ok .. u get into that mood where it's all bananas ;) ... and u start singing louis armstrong's 'what a wonderful world' .. and when u reach there .. when u reach that place .. u won't really bother urself with 'why' .. 'why am i feeling this way?' ... u start thinking about the happy stuff in ur life .. ur friends, ur career, ur loved ones, and urself .. and u might reflect back to certain memories that u cherish for days like these .. and with every recollection u would go like, 'that's why i'm feeling so good, oh no that is why i'm feeling so good, maybe that is why i'm feeling so good' ... but u never really know .. u can never pin-point a certain or single something .. it doesn't spoil ur mood at all though .. but let me tell u this ... if u actually know .. if u can really pin-point the reason .. and if that reason is so pretty, talented, sensitive, creative, wild, fun, and a bit crazy ... u won't just feel good ... u'd feeeel a million good .. a billion good .. a zillion good ... u'd feel like i feel right now ..
i luv my life :)
21 March 2005
gift shopping ..
so that's something i'm not used to .. i mean even among my friends, i don't really go down and shop for gifts .. on previous mother days, my sis was the one handling the whole thing .. she tells me "give me 50 pounds" and that's it .. she gets ideas and she goes down and she buys the gift and she wraps it and finally we present it (yeah i have a very sweet sis) :) ..
but now she's not here .. she's all the way in london .. and i guess it's up to me to pay her back for all those mother days and all those birthdays where she saved my ass! ... this year, i'll be the one doing all the gift related tasks .. and although she's not here with me, it will still be us presenting mum with the gift ...
it's the least i could do for my little sis :)
luv ya lolo
but now she's not here .. she's all the way in london .. and i guess it's up to me to pay her back for all those mother days and all those birthdays where she saved my ass! ... this year, i'll be the one doing all the gift related tasks .. and although she's not here with me, it will still be us presenting mum with the gift ...
it's the least i could do for my little sis :)
luv ya lolo