King Nothing

Venus

It officially started on the 5th of June at precisely 10.09pm GMT.
It officially ended on the 6th of June at precisely 4.49am GMT.
It was one of the most excessively bittersweet sentimental experiences of my life.

NASA Goddard Photo

The transit of Venus is a phenomenon that happens when the planet Venus passes directly between the sun and earth. During the transit, Venus can be seen as a small black dot moving across the face of the sun. It's similar in principal to the solar eclipse by the moon, only since the moon is much closer to earth it looks a lot bigger. This rare phenomenon, which always happens in pairs eight years apart, occurs just once every 100 or so years. The first of the pair in the 21st century happened back in 2004 and the second happened a couple of days ago.

Venus is the second planet from the sun. It is named after the Roman Goddess of love and beauty, probably because it is the brightest object in the night sky, after the moon. The astronomical symbol of the planet Venus is the same that it used to denote the female sex. It is also the symbol for copper in ancient western alchemy. Historically, polished copper was the metal used to make mirrors, and the symbol for Venus has sometimes been understood to stand for the mirror of the goddess. Planet Venus is also the sign ruler of the second astrological sign in the zodiac, Taurus.

Venus Anadyomene, by Titian (1525)

Venus, in Roman mythology, is identified as the equivalent of Aphrodite in Greek mythology. She embodies enticement, seduction, and persuasive female charm among the community of immortal Gods. She also absorbs and restrains the male essence, uniting the opposites of male and female in mutual affection.

For the past couple of days, I was completely ravished with the bittersweet mysticism of my Venus memories. The uneasy and highly self-aware introduction, the instinctual yet unplanned first triumph, the velvety and heavenly-elating touch, the distinct and soul-captivating smell, the nectarous and desire-fulfilling taste, the rhythmic and throbbing encounters that still resonate in my cells till this very minute, but also the withdrawal, the cruel sudden absence, the obligatory weaning, the circumstantial verdict that reduced the Venus live-power influence to fragmentary-stored imaginations.

I miss Venus.
I guess I'll just blame it on the eclipse.

Mottephobia

Is a moth naive hurling itself towards a candle light?
Did it waste its life as it expires in the flame?
Well, yeah.
But that’s only one way of looking at it.

A moth is drawn to light. Light is warmth and brightness. It’s purity and innocence. It’s clarity and transparency. I praise a moth for seeking light. I praise it for its instinctual desire to reach a higher level of existence. I praise it for its quest to rid itself of darkness, for its refusal to settle down with the shade.

Yes, it dies. Once it touches that flame, it expires. But what doesn’t! Every living thing dies. Every living thing has an end. This is the only rule of life. This is the only certainty in the world. At least the moth dies in glory. At least it achieves its goal. It acquires warmth and purity. Is there a better ending to a life?

We are the same. We seek light and search for warmth and purity. We desire clarity and transcendence. We would rather live in a radiant world of glow and affection, than a gloomy world of darkness and loneliness. Unfortunately most of us don’t have enough willpower and courage to actively pursue such an ultimate quest. Most of us settle down with whatever we’re given by our fortunes. Most of us fear living like a moth.

If I had wings, I would fly towards the sun just as a moth flies towards a flame. I would never stop until I reach my destination. I would sacrifice my physical being to such a meaningful and spirited end.

Haphazard

It's not like it used to be. It's not important anymore. The 'why?' doesn't even matter. The distance between me and what's familiar is growing so fast I don't see the shore no more. The world that I created for myself, and kept deep inside me, is free falling into a deep pit of secrecy and into oblivion. I don't know how I will face myself with that truth. Will I ever forgive myself?

I know nothing stays the same. My soul is about to find that out, though, for the first time. In the cruelest of ways. I used to be good with imagination but it seems I need to find a new insight, a new messenger to self communicate. I'm not fond of wearing a fake gown of mystery or complication. I'm not that bored with reality no matter how much it stinks. I no longer look for challenges to feel alive. I miss that. Perhaps I'm not interested in reaching down and exploring my inner feelings anymore. Standing still is actually bringing me a sense of comfort and security. So unlike me.

I interact with my keyboard more than ever because it's not demanding. It doesn't accuse me of being stubborn. It doesn't give me a smirk and tell me 'I told you so'. It doesn't judge my thoughts. It understands me without me having to explain myself. It feels my pain by a clicking sound with every press of a key. A clicking sound that speaks to my soul telling me not to worry. Telling me the pain will go away one day.

I need to separate. I need to get away from my inner self for a while. I need to. Disuniting me from my details and parting me from my privacy. May be one day I'd look back and just laugh at how much a fool I was. May be by missing who I am for a while, I'd return with a newly found eagerness to interact and engage. May be even return with a big celebration where we'd toss drinks, dance and cherish a random diamond ring.

Fantasy

I'm lying in my bed, feeling naughty. Quietly, she walks in the room. I didn't even hear her coming in. She takes a couple of steps towards me and then stops, standing at the edge of the bed. She looks me right in the eyes and starts speaking.

"Take off my blouse."
I take off her blouse.
"Take off my skirt."
I take off her skirt.
"Take off my bra and panties."
I take them off.

A brief few moments pass by, as she's standing there in front of me. She then breaks the silence and in a soft yet firm voice says, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Mental Suicide Note..

Don't kill me..
Don't kill the sentiment..
Don't kill the delicate..
Don't judge me, I used to believe in change..
Don't judge me, not even for my rage..
This is the era of pain and short breath..
This is the era of burning fires in the chest..
Time will soon stop, the earth will refuse to rotate..
Time will soon stop, the sun will look to relocate..

None will be spared..
Not a master or a slave..
Everything will go to the grave..
No one will stop the erosion..
No one will have any emotion..
The ships of hope are forever lost at sea..
The ships of hope can't sail in zero degree..
ladies and gentlemen, the end is near..
ladies and gentlemen, any volunteer?..

I did shout..
I did shout using loud metal harps..
I did shout calling on human hearts..
The theater of life is full of irony..
The theater of life is full of tyranny..
The sky is raining out of hunger..
The sky is torn apart with thunder..
Questions came in large supply..
Questions roared with no reply..

We were wrong..
We were so wrong cuz we didn't learn..
Our elders told us but we weren't concerned..
They said look out, love is under attack..
They said if it's gone, it ain't coming back..
Their voices full of fear rang aloud..
Their voices were ignored by the crowd..
Now we believe what they said was true..
Now we believe their words, overdue..

I will cry..
I will cry until I choke on my own tears..
I will cry until I deafen your ears..
Whoever's up there, can you hear me?..
Whoever's up there, I'm on my knees..
Where is your promised mercy?..
Where is it, if it's worthy?..
I'm writing this as I hear the approaching flood..
I'm writing this with my blood..