It's not like it used to be. It's not important anymore. The 'why?' doesn't even matter. The distance between me and what's familiar is growing so fast I don't see the shore no more. The world that I created for myself, and kept deep inside me, is free falling into a deep pit of secrecy and into oblivion. I don't know how I will face myself with that truth. Will I ever forgive myself?
I know nothing stays the same. My soul is about to find that out, though, for the first time. In the cruelest of ways. I used to be good with imagination but it seems I need to find a new insight, a new messenger to self communicate. I'm not fond of wearing a fake gown of mystery or complication. I'm not that bored with reality no matter how much it stinks. I no longer look for challenges to feel alive. I miss that. Perhaps I'm not interested in reaching down and exploring my inner feelings anymore. Standing still is actually bringing me a sense of comfort and security. So unlike me.
I interact with my keyboard more than ever because it's not demanding. It doesn't accuse me of being stubborn. It doesn't give me a smirk and tell me 'I told you so'. It doesn't judge my thoughts. It understands me without me having to explain myself. It feels my pain by a clicking sound with every press of a key. A clicking sound that speaks to my soul telling me not to worry. Telling me the pain will go away one day.
I need to separate. I need to get away from my inner self for a while. I need to. Disuniting me from my details and parting me from my privacy. May be one day I'd look back and just laugh at how much a fool I was. May be by missing who I am for a while, I'd return with a newly found eagerness to interact and engage. May be even return with a big celebration where we'd toss drinks, dance and cherish a random diamond ring.
I know nothing stays the same. My soul is about to find that out, though, for the first time. In the cruelest of ways. I used to be good with imagination but it seems I need to find a new insight, a new messenger to self communicate. I'm not fond of wearing a fake gown of mystery or complication. I'm not that bored with reality no matter how much it stinks. I no longer look for challenges to feel alive. I miss that. Perhaps I'm not interested in reaching down and exploring my inner feelings anymore. Standing still is actually bringing me a sense of comfort and security. So unlike me.
I interact with my keyboard more than ever because it's not demanding. It doesn't accuse me of being stubborn. It doesn't give me a smirk and tell me 'I told you so'. It doesn't judge my thoughts. It understands me without me having to explain myself. It feels my pain by a clicking sound with every press of a key. A clicking sound that speaks to my soul telling me not to worry. Telling me the pain will go away one day.
I need to separate. I need to get away from my inner self for a while. I need to. Disuniting me from my details and parting me from my privacy. May be one day I'd look back and just laugh at how much a fool I was. May be by missing who I am for a while, I'd return with a newly found eagerness to interact and engage. May be even return with a big celebration where we'd toss drinks, dance and cherish a random diamond ring.
