so it's my life.. no one else's.. it's mine.. i do whatever i want with it.. i could even end it if that's what i see myself doing with it.. but i don't wanna end it (not now at least).. and i actually don't want it to end.. i ain't living in the french riviera with cash poping out of my asshole.. i ain't super famous like brad pitt, beckham, zeta jones, and j-lo combined in one... i don't own a ferrari enzo or have real estate in every major city in the world.. i'm only a normal, every-day guy whole lives in the capital city of one of the developing countries with an amount of cash only enough to sustain his moderate needs.. i'm only famous among my friends, and they ain't that much anyway.. i only own a 1.0 liter, 98 make VW.. and i'm enjoying my life.. i love my life.. i love what i've become through those 28 years of living on this planet.. but what's life?.. this thing i'm having and happy about, what is it?.. is it a dream or a fantasy?.. well, no.. cuz i have another fantasy-land life i sometimes run to (in other words, 'escape to') that is totally different from my real life.. mainly made up of all the things i want in real life but can't have or can't do.. but still, i love my life.. with such a reality-show like life, u have sets of rules u have to follow.. some r imposed by nature (like the fact that i can't fly for instance).. others r introduced by nature due to the fact that i'm a human being (i eat when i'm hungry).. some r just there in me since the day i was born (like hating chocolate).. and some r man made.. those i hate.. i believe in god... i believe in fate.. but i believe in freedom.. i believe in the power of choice.. i use the ability to observe, process, and analyze to come out with ideas.. i don't just follow, i evaluate.. i need to be convinced.. it's a form of security.. cuz a part of those rules nature introduced to human beings is hating insecurity.. i get my security from knowing and practicing my intellect.. i see it as a minimum for life.. to be able to think... people don't die just when they stop breathing, or when their hearts stop beating.. they die when they stop thinking.. and the tragedy of my life is that the people around me stopped doing exactly that.. they just follow.. they don't evaluate anymore.. ok ok, i ain't totting my own horn or anything.. like i'm the only one worth having a life.. so let me put it this way.. people around me didn't really stop thinking.. but they r using all this thinking power in them to try and find ways and reasons for living in a certain mold.. i hate that.. why?.. cuz they end up either with trivial explanations and excuses for their ways of living or tend to relate every thing to super powers that control our destinies.. they just never stop and wonder why they r sticking to that mold.. that that mold is something they control not something controlling them.. i have to admit.. sometimes i ain't open as i wish i was... but at least i'm trying.. so why do u people make it so hard for me.. i'm gonna live my life the way i choose.. no matter what.. i have enjoyed, i am enjoying, and i will enjoy every minute of it..
so, who am i?.. what a thought!!.. i've been wondering about that probably since i was born.. well ok, at least since i started shitting on my own.. throughout my life, i've discovered many interesting facts about the world we live in.. and also about myself.. but still i couldn't figure out who i am..a champion, who would win.. a conqueror, who would dominate.. a god, who would rule.. or maybe just a cipher, who would elude.. a wimp, who would crawl.. a nobody, who would be crushed.. i always wondered whether i'd be a hero or a zero..now, as you enter my life, you would read this word, 'freedom'.. and it will be repeated as u descend in me (or ascend depending on which way u're going – in or out of my life).. freedom is my essence.. my fundamental nature.. everything you need to know about me is right there in this word.. i'm not invincible, but i ain't pathetic.. i'm not correct, but i ain't invalid.. i find pleasure as i will and put up with discomfort as i must.. i'm the result of each individual experience i ever had.. each tangled with every other one, forming a wild living thing.. my worst experiences exist alongside my best.. until telling which root from which is impossible.. everything combines to make me who i am..i put myself out there on display for other people to experience, and maybe enjoy.. i display my art, along with my madness.. i display my insight, along with my lunacy.. i display my inner-most self through my writing.. i have my share of diplomacy, although i hate politics.. i have my share of friends, although i hate people.. but there is still more in there that is unlabeled.. there just ain’t no words to describe those hidden undiscovered territories in me.. u have to get close to them, touch them, and feel them to get to know them.. and i'm sure they will leave u with an impression that will be marked in u forever.. i'm sure of that cuz i do it myself.. every once in a while, i explore and dig out those concealed parts of me that has grown and matured.. sometimes when they are much too fragile rather than bringing them out, i go inside to sit with them.. sometimes i blow on them with my own breath hard enough to stir them into flight.. or i just stand back and observe while the winds of change storm over them provoking them into a state of eruption.. yeah, that feeling of letting nature take its course with something so much virgin and deep within u is eerie, but it is strangely reassuring..u know, i always wanted so desperately to cling to something, but all that's around me is just so frail that if i try to grab any, i end up with only a handful of nothing.. but again, my memories are just memories.. my dreams are just dreams.. after all, i’m a human, wild and free..and heinz…u endure faithfully.. despite people-poisonings, u will continue to thrive.. u will bloom even between rocks.. u will flourish even through times of difficulty.. and u will merge troubles into smiles so bright and colorful as u always did.. u will always have the will and power to look me in the eyes and blow me a soft kiss sending beautiful wishes and happy thoughts into my world.. after all, u’re a human, wild and free..
