i know.. it might be a bit of a strange title.. and for ur info, usually i write my post then try to come up with a catchy title for it (and usually i do, i guess).. this time it's totally different.. i just had this urge to log on to my blog and click on 'new post'... i totally had nothing on my mind.. (well, i'm lying - i had alot but none that is blogspot material!!).. anyway, i was faced with this empty new-post page and i had to write something.. and again that urge kicked in and i wrote that title.. i still don't know what i'm gonna write, but c'mon, not everything in life is planned.. i allow room for spontaneity.. so i'll just let it take me on an urge-controlled trip and see where it lands me!!
so, emotional independence.. what the hell would that mean!.. emotional.. hhmmm, yeah i can be emotional.. not all the time but i can get real emotional sometimes... but i get to that specific state by external stimulants.. it's never internal.. it never comes from within.. i need a trigger for it.. oh, so in a way i get emotional depending on some mysterious outside factor... hhmmm, interesting.. so that's like having emotional dependence.. to be in constant need of some intervention to get emotional.. actually i'm ok with it like that... it helps, u know.. needing an external source of something to move u.. and as i have the ability to shield myself from the outside world (or actually drive away with my mental wagon to a fantasy land), it's good that my emotions r dependant... oh, or should i say 'were''......
cuz i've been feeling the change recently... yeah, it's starting to con me... my emotions have been playing tricks on me for some time now... and maybe that would explain it.. emotional independence... generated from the inside.. blooming from within.. emerging from the self.. and in no need for any external intervention.. and it does feel different.. u know why.. cuz i lose my shield then.. i can have a shield against the outside world but not against myself.. never against myself.. (c'mon, i'm a leo and i love myself - it's only natural)..
wow.. it's like going back to basics (as JBJ put it).. being naked... the one thing i need to figure out now is how to express it.. or maybe i should ask myself first, "why express it and to whom?"...
one thing i know... i shouldn't keep it inside.. i shouldn't keep it just to myself... i should let it out.. u know, one of my close friends had something like this recently and she calls it 'ana tele3li soat' state... i would like that.. i am liking the idea already.. and i won't bother myself with answering the why and the who and the how questions... i'll just be out there to everyone in whatever way it comes out... no concerns.. no restrictions.. whatever the outcomes... ain't that freedom!.. or is it emotional independence!
