Subconscious Subtitles

The subconscious is powerful. It has the ability to control human beings. What a bold statement to open a small article with, but bare with me. What is the subconscious? Well, there is no exact definition for it really. In fact, the first few lines of the 'subconscious' page on wikipedia read, “the term subconscious is used in many different contexts and has no single or precise definition. This greatly limits its significance as a definition-bearing concept, and in consequence the word tends to be avoided in academic and scientific settings.” You see, it's so intangible we can't even define it, and I think this is the source of its power.

To start understanding the subconscious, and its power, it's a good idea to first understand the conscious. Conscious is probably best defined as our awareness of any subjective, or objective, experience in any given time. It's what gives us our personal identity. We experience everything using our five senses, and those experiences are each given a specific meaning unique to everyone of us depending on our beliefs, values, and mentality. It's a process were we absorb variables in a scientifically-tangible manner and then transfer them to an intangible medium in our minds for storage and future retrieval. It's something we never stop involuntarily doing as long as we live. In that sense, having another parallel subprocess seems impossible, even crazy. Can there possibly be anything out there that is NOT part of our endless conscious process? There, lies the mystery of the subconscious (note that 'lies' can have two meanings in this context – both r equally appropriate, I guess).

Now, we can start understanding the subconscious. As opposed to conscious, 'awareness' is definitely not part of it. Neither does it involve absorbing experiences through our senses. Simply because anything that falls in those categories would then be considered part of the conscious process. What else is there? What can seize falling into one of those categories? Well, a lot actually! How many times have you heard, and casually used, mysterious and inexplicable notions such as 'the sixth sense' or the '4th dimension' or a 'haunted house' or 'voodoo' or 'angels & demons', etc. True or not, understandable or not, proven or not, there are things around us that don't really fall in the realm of the conscious. I personally believe, and I might be swimming in dangerous waters here, that religion is the biggest aspect of our human existence that is based, to its core, on non-conscious beliefs.

The most obvious playground for the subconscious is dreams. I often think of dreams as the subtitles omitted from our waking life. But instead of transcribing or narrating the obvious, it's all about the ambiguous and the obscure. When we are in deep sleep, we sometimes reach the phase scientifically called the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) phase. This is where the subconscious completely takes control, I think, and starts reading between the lines of our lives totally unsupervised by our cognitive ability or personal identity. It's during this phase where we experience a sort of vivid and disassociated form of imagination that is so intense it almost feels alive. Everything and anything is possible then, but surprisingly it all seem so real. If you've ever had that one dream of flying high and watching everything speeding underneath you, then you'd know what I mean. It just feels so real. It has been scientifically proven that during the REM phase, the release of certain neurotransmitters are completely suspended, resulting in an inability to move, which in turn prevents us from having dangerously sudden movements during our sleep. I can distinctly recall a couple of times when that system failed me, where I woke up with a sudden violent shock movement of my whole body. This is how powerful it is. Our bodies had to have a system solely designed to prevent us from responding to such subconscious dreams, and in my case and I guess few others as well, it was so powerful it actually overcame that system.

So, if you think that my opening statement about the subconscious is a rather overstatement, just think of the magnitude of power you would have if you discover or invent a device that can influence people's dreams, inception-style.

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Anonymus Quotes (and interpretations)

Liberals are broadminded, but don't u hate them when they sometimes give careful consideration to both sides of the same side..

Nobody knows, for sure, the age of the human race.. but everybody agrees that it's old enough to know better..

Going to a mosque (church) doesn't make you muslim (christian).. just like standing in a garage all day doesn't make you a car..

Don't be hard on urself all the time, even a broken clock is right twice a day..

Experts are the people who get to know more and more about less and less.. but eventually they turn useless when they get to know everything about nothing..

Good intentions are not enough.. having a heart of gold is only like being a hard-boiled egg..

Love is not about finding the perfect person.. it's about learning how to see the imperfect person, perfect..

If you know you're walking on thin ice, then u might as well dance..

What goes up, must come down.. ask any windows system administrator..

I couldn't beat my computer at chess.. so i tried kickboxing..

Freedom is a combo meal, it comes with responsibilities and consequences..

A good salesman is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually start to look forward for the trip..

It's really not a coincidence that man's best friend can't talk..

It's really ironic that in all weddings, the bride doesn't get to marry the best man..

Something i got from the movies; if you're in the wrong place in the wrong time, there's a pretty good chance u'll walk away a hero..

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity..

There are 3 kinds of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't..

People should be reminded that 'someday' is not really a day..


They say, waking up early is good.. but it's really much better to wake up late and be wide awake, than wake up early and be sleepy all day..

They say, laziness is bad.. but ain't efficiency an intelligent form of laziness..

They say, live everyday as if it were your last.. and then one day you'll be right..

They say, money can't buy happiness.. but it sure can rent it for a lifetime..

They say, look at the bright side.. but doesn't that cause some sort of eyestrain..

They say, dreams can come true.. well, WAKE UP!!

They say, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.. well, beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder..

They say, age brings wisdom.. but sometimes it just comes alone..


have a nice day :)

a sleepless night..

(1)
losing someone is terrible.. or at least that's what they say (personally, i've lost my normal share of people in live but i guess i'm living in denial).. and it's not about how u lost them really.. i mean, whether they get a job abroad and leave, or get hit by a bus traveling at 90km/h in the opposite direction of a 1 way street, or as a result of a break up, it's all the same conclusion, they're gone!!.. but u see, it's the who that matters.. the someone u lose, that's the whole issue.. we lose people we know everyday (cuz obviously, u can't lose strangers).. we lose people we already know.. and i'm not talking about the ones we meet one time and never see again.. no, not when a friend says, 'hi, i'd like u to meet my friend blablabla' and we shake hands having the 'nice to meet u' smile on our faces.. we don't lose those.. so who do we lose?.. we only lose the close ones.. the important ones.. ironic, isn't it?.. and the closer and more important they are, the more terrible it is to lose them..

(2)
basically, all human beings seek happiness.. it's our no.1 goal in life.. if u strip any goal we try to achieve in life to it's basics, u'll always find that it for happiness.. we live to be happy.. everything we do, is ultimately to make us feel happy.. and so, we fall in love to be happy.. 'love' and 'happy' are 2 words that are really easy to include in a sentence(on the contrary, think of 'love' and 'murder' for instance).. i think it's common that the first word that would pop up in anyone's mind as soon as they hear the word 'happy' is the word 'love'.. but it doesn't really make sense.. i mean, love doesn't equal happiness.. ok, i'm not saying that it equals sadness either, but it's a 50 50 chance.. 'graduation' or 'alot of money' would be more fitting with 'happiness' i guess.. i mean, we fall in love and there's just the same chance we would be happy or sad.. the greatest love story of mankind ends with both lovers dead!!.. still, people seek happiness and they mistake love as a synonymous for happiness.. as a result, divorce rates are doubling by the year..

(3)
when we don't have any guarantees, how can we choose?.. when nothing is certain and all is probable, how do we choose?.. is it a gut feeling that makes us decide?.. i mean, common sense dictates that in order to make a decision, we need some sort of assurance.. this little tiny gut feeling that can actually make us get up and say, 'this is my decision'.. we still don't know for sure, but it gives us a motive to decide.. we can take blinking decisions on small stuff, for sure, but i'm talking about the major stuff in life here.. like choosing a career, not where to go for dinner this evening.. education, work, marriage, money are the major stuff i'm talking about.. and each of us has decided on at least 1 major issue in our lives, and more to come.. but how can we do that?.. how can we choose when we don't know the outcome.. when we're not sure.. we take decisions everyday without knowing for sure whether they are right or wrong.. whether we will benifit from them or we'll suffer.. from choosing what to wear in the morning to choosing which of the 2 job offers to pick.. we make decisions everyday, and it just feels like a big life-long lottery game.. oh, what r the odds of wining the lottery again?

(4)
loneliness is the only felling i can think of that can crush the human soul.. feeling that u're all alone in this world is the only feeling i can think of that would reduce our souls to vapor.. when we're feeling lonely it's as if time had stopped, while life itself just keeps going on.. we feel alive just cuz we're involuntarily breathing.. just because our hearts r involuntarily beating.. it crushes the soul, i tell u.. it crushes the soul..


with all that said..
i'm still gonna give life another try..

Annie Hall

A Tribute to one of the best movies I have ever seen..

the starting scene is an abrupt closeup of Alvy (Woody Allen) doing the following monologue...

There's an old joke. Uh, two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of them says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and such.. small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness.. and it's all over much too quickly. The other important joke for me is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx, but I think it appears originally in Freud's Wit and its Relation to the Unconscious. And it goes like this -I'm paraphrasing, "I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life in terms of my relationships with women. You know, lately the strangest things have been going through my mind, 'cause I turned forty, and I guess I'm going through a life crisis or something, I don't know. I, uh.. and I'm not worried about aging. I'm not one of those characters, you know. Although I'm balding slightly on top, that's about the worst you can say about me. I, uh, I think I'm gonna get better as I get older, you know? I think I'm gonna be the balding virile type, you know, as opposed to say the, uh, distinguished gray, for instance, you know? Unless I'm neither of those two. Unless I'm one of those guys with saliva dribbling out of his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria with a shopping bag screaming about socialism.

(Sighing)
Annie and I broke up and I still can't get my mind around that. You know, I keep sifting the pieces of the relationship through my mind and examining my life and tryin' to figure out where did the screw-up come, you know. A year ago we were.. in love. You know, and it's funny, I'm not.. I'm not a morose type. I'm not a depressive character. I -I, uh, you know, I was a reasonably happy kid, I guess.

the ending scene is of Alvy and Annie (Diane Keaton) shaking hands and friendly kissing each other goodbye. Annie crosses the street while Alvy watches her go. He then turns and slowly walks down the street, off the screen, while his voice narrates the following monologue...

After that it got pretty late and we both hadda go, but it was great seeing Annie again, right? I realized what a terrific person she was and how much fun it was just knowing her and I thought of that old joke, you know, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother is crazy. He thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much how I feet about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and.. but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, most of us need the eggs.

Annie Hall (1977) written by Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman.

Makeup.. or break up?

when it comes to makeup, u're the expert.. u're the makeup artist.. yes it's an artistry to use some products to disguise the truth.. the ugly truth.. and make it socially acceptable.. maybe even plausible and recommended..

but what if the makeup is shaken off?.. washed off?.. what if the ugly truth is revealed?.. but not because u failed in applying ur makeup, no.. and not because u chose to reveal the truth, no.. not even because u felt guilty with all the disguise and lies, no.. not because u think it's wrong to fool the closest people to u, no.. not because of all that.. just because u were unlucky once.. just because the ugly truth cannot hide silently forever.. just because things like destiny and fate intervene in our daily life without us noticing.. the end result is, no makeup would do now.. once the truth is out there, it cannot be disguised anymore.. once it's out there, not even a creative makeup artist like u could mask it..

i've been fooled.. but i'm not an idiot..
which should make answering this question quite easy..
should i makeup, or break up?

horny

yeah u love me
yeah u care about me
yeah u make me happy
u do it all
and just for me
but oh, i'm horny..

i enjoy ur presence
i kinda depend on it
u actually fulfilled my desires
when u cured my sexual insecurities
but i'm still horny

u think i'm beautiful
u see me sexy
u prove it with ur touch
when we r making love
but it just makes me feel more horny

there r others out there
they r worth the try
but what can i do
i'm stuck with u
i love u, i do
but they all desire me
which makes it even harder
for me to resist
cuz u see
it makes me feel good
it makes me feel free
and what can i do
since i'm so horny

u're mine, i'm urs
and the way i see it
i'm not doing wrong
i'm just exploring
so why be mad
if u just know
that i'm so horny

i didn't cheat
or maybe i did
but u don't know
or maybe u do
but it's just me
i know it's me
it's like a disease
i can't escape
and i won't try
cuz it feels so good
to be desired
and at the end of the day
u will be there
waiting for me
embracing me
and if u ask
i know i'll say
i'm just horny

a n a

me..
i'm the one among you..
who have suffered but not complained..
who felt the pain but did not cry..
who had his heart beat up and bruised from agony but never lost faith..

yeah, me..
i'm the one among you..
who didn't give up..
who was not defeated..
who had enough will and gut to carry on..

but what does that make me?
a hero..
a champ..
an idol..
or just a man..
a man who suffers every single day..
a man who takes the brutal beating of life every single day..
a man torn with pain knowing that if he lives for tomorrow, it's just to feel the pain again..
every damn single mother fuckin day..

yeah that's me..
that's more like it..
that's the filthy bitter truth..

there ain't no heros in this kinda life..
only men torn by the bloodthirsty animal-like life, who don't have the luxury of getting killed..

me..

to me or not to me.. (it ain't really a question)

me:
it's like a wild time of the year for me.. well, not really wild.. and maybe not particularly this part of the year.. well i'm just trying to express raw feelings here.. got nothing prepared.. so, a wild time of the year.. but it's just the start of may.. so by saying 'year' i'm actually referring to the 4 months that have already passed.. i ain't gonna speculate about the coming months.. not cuz i don't have enough imagination but actually cuz it seems like i don't care.. not like i don't care i don't care, but really, what's more important, the now we have or the future we know nothing about?.. and right here is the wild part actually.. cuz that's not how i used to think some time back..

my other me (yeah, it's part of my many contradictions):
hhmmm, sounds really confusing.. don't quite get it.. what exactly r u trying to say..

me:
ok ok, let me start over.. to a man who always thought 1 step ahead, the past couple of weeks have been totally unplanned.. i mean, i didn't think ahead.. i didn't feel like wanting to.. i was just living the moment and surprisingly i wasn't stuck like i always used to think i would be.. u know that i'm in a period in my life where i need to take decisive action, but somehow i was comfortable not to think about moments further on my timeline than the moment i'm actually in.. and u know what, it did clear my mind.. it somehow made me ready to do.. as if my mind was a bowling ally with the pins all scattered and then this sweeping machine clears everything and resets the pins getting ready for a 'strike' (or at least a 'spare' i hope)..

my other me:
so u're giving up thinking about the future?

me:
no.. not really..

my other me:
????

me:
balance.. 'right now' is just as important as the 'near future', some might even say more important, but let's just keep it at that.. a balance between the now and the next.. between living my life and wishing for a better one.. everybody thinks about the future at some point.. but i let it be an obsession.. it's just that life ain't played like that.. yeah, life is a big game.. big big game, where u only have 1 life and u gotta figure the rules out urself (which is theoretically unfair).. so why obsess about making plans when u really don't know all the rules of the game.. life is a game.. a game that no one ever mastered, hell, almost all of us are still on level 1.. and as u go along, u discover the rules.. rules u haven't heard of before.. rules that don't necessarily appeal to u.. rules that just make the game harder and harder.. not just that, but some of the rules actually change along the way.. and to fuck it all up for ya, rules that r actually kept secret though they can cost u the only life u have.. so, the only way to survive this game is to actually live it.. have ideas and think ahead all u want but u just gotta live it..

i must do something to change my life.. but what?

something is trying to speak to me.. i donno what it is.. but it's been trying to speak to me for a while now.. i kept ignoring it but it kept on trying and trying.. i didn't understand at first.. didn't know it was trying to speak to me.. i thought it's gonna get me down (like everything else in my life right now).. but it was only trying to speak to me.. and when i came aware of that, i let it..

i already had some ideas of what it was tying to tell me.. i had these ideas accumulating for a while now.. but i always get to a point where it's like i'm hitting a brick wall.. right now, right at this moment, i'm at the point where i realize that i MUST do something to change my life..

but this is where i get stuck.. it feels like my mind goes blank every time i reach this point of self-exploration.. i feel that i could go in many different directions, but i don't know which to choose, so i remain where i am.. stuck, angry, frustrated.. and immobilized.. and knowing that i'm the only one responsible to change it all, i'm feeling extremely pressured.. overwhelmed that i don't know where to start..

i'm presently in a relationship in which i'm happy.. but i feel the fear of 'losing' that as well.. and that too is creating yet great anxiety for me.. i think i'm sabotaging this relationship cuz i don't feel worthy of this good thing.. i need to be more balanced and self-tolerating..

i often feel undergrounded and unsure of my place in this world.. my nervous system is feeling shot down right now and is in desperate need of support.. my mental discipline is offset with helplessness..

so i listened to it.. hearing what it had to say..
'u need to understand more completely and clearly that u CAN heal urself.. u need to be able to know that u can take care of urself in whatever situation.. this needs to be developed and it can be developed if u get it in touch with.. just lose interest in judging urself all the time and get in touch with this reality.. we all know the importance of feeling good, but we just tend to forget about it.. we r almost always busy dealing with the "important stuff", but we forget that the most important thing is to feel good and live a stress-free life.. create a switch and turn it on.. cancel all ur previous negative emotions.. don't wait until ur negative emotions get big and dominate ur thoughts.. pretend to see hope, if that's what it takes, cuz it's not about seeing it clearly, it's about feeling it strongly in ur gut..'

and to it, whatever it may be, i say..
'dear guardian angel.. my heart is heavy with hurt, anger and guilt.. i ask ur help and guidance.. help me understand me better.. guide me past my pride, fear, wounds, history, and ego.. make me express my appreciation with love and peace..'

it's just the matter of answering my 'what' question...