no it doesn't mean committed to hurt.. i'm just exploring whether commitment could hurt.. could cause hurt.. could cause hurt to ur soul..
it's a rather strange thing.. this state.. i mean i don't know of a person who would like to be tied-up.. i don't know of someone who would seek confinement within boundaries.. yet people do it every day.. more and more couples r announced everyday.. more and more boys and girls fall in love everyday.. yes, falling in love is a commitment.. and the more strong and deep ur love is, the more committed u get.. so what is commitment?.. faith, loyalty, devotion, burden, warrant, agreement, dedication, trust, duty, obligation, pressure, sacrifice, sincerity.. these r all parts of it.. a so much complicated feeling (or step) to have in ur life.. but we do it.. whether being a fool or a genious to choose it ain't really the 1 million dollar question.. it's whether we can keep holding to it.. that's the real test..
no one is anti-commitment.. i thought i was for a while, but then i realized it's not that i hate the idea.. it's that i can't apply it.. i mean i'm the kinda guy who's committed to himself.. to the extreme of being selfish sometimes (actually a lot of times).. what i was resisting actually was the notion of committing myself to someone.. to a partner.. sounded so lousy.. i mean yeah i'm a team player but if i start my own business i don't want partners.. i can't handle partners.. same applied to love.. yeah i had a couple of stories or more.. but come to think of it now, they were nothing.. cuz i wasn't committed.. in reality (the one i didn't see back then), i was always single..
now, i'm not.. i have a partner.. and yes i love her more than words can say.. but am i really committing myself to her?.. i know that she's the one i wanna continue my life with.. i know she's the one i wanna grow old with.. i know she's the one i wanna have till i die.. but still, am i committed to her?.. it might sound strange that i'm stating all this and still wondering about commitment.. but it ain't strange at all.. people can live together a lifetime and not be committed.. cuz commitment doesn't just involve desiring the one u love, it's all about desiring no one else.. and if that happens, u just seize seeing the confinement it initially creates.. it starts out being a heavy alerting load on ur soul.. u feel like ur world is shrinking.. and u feel tied-up.. but when u finally reach a certain level.. a certain phase.. where u r willing (in an affirmative and deliberate sense) ready to indefinitely commit uself to that someone, u don't feel the burden no more.. ur world returns to its normal size.. and again u feel free..
human beings r all about control.. and commitment is always falsely portrayed as lose of control.. although it's actually the peak of self control.. i can't think of a more solid and convincing example of being in control more powerful than making the choice and taking the decision to commit to someone, and actually doing so...
now, why did i title this hurtommitted?..
well.....
